New Legislation Bans Flushing Toilet Paper Down The Toilet
You heard that right, folks.
On April 1, 2022, it’s been announced that due to a recent surge in high-ply comfort toilet paper, public sewer systems and water treatment facilities are struggling to keep up.
“The system just isn’t built to handle three, four, or even 10-ply toilet paper! Sewers are backing up every day, and we don’t have the manpower to keep up!” Said Tyler Patrick Charmin, a public sanitary technician. “It’s about time the government did something about this.”
The stress on local infrastructure has increased the need for taxpayer money on sewer maintenance and water treatment. Sewer blockages have increased threefold since the toilet paper shortage of 2020. According to this Ottawa drain cleaner, the increased durability of high-quality toilet paper leads to a longer time required for it to break down, which ultimately leads to more clogs in your home and more clogs in the public sewer system.
And so, as of April 1, 2022, flushing toilet paper is being flushed from our rights.
So, How Do We Get Rid of Our Toilet Paper?
The government is facing heavy internal resistance to the sudden changes to toilet paper disposal, and the people are not happy.
While alternative toilet paper disposal methods are up for debate, the current suggestion by government leaders and sewage treatment technicians is disposing used toilet paper into garbage bags.
“Our budget for sewer and drain cleaning services is up 400% since last quarter due to the surge of high-ply.” Says T.P. Charmin.
Sealed toilet paper disposal containers are available at local government organizations such as Service Ontario, however, any garbage container is acceptable.
Simply use the toilet paper and dispose of it in a bag, and garbage collection services will accept used toilet paper deposits on your standard garbage day.
“This has got to be a joke!” Says one angry Ottawa homeowner who requested they not be named. “They expect us to have a garbage bag full of used toilet paper in my bathroom? That’s disgusting! Whatever happened to freedom? Is this some sort of April fool’s joke?”
A Rally of Resistance
Given the current political and economic climate, it’s no surprise that Canadians are banding together to resist the radical new laws.
A group calling themselves the April Fools have banded together and marched on Parliament, demanding to be heard.
“There was lots of talk about going and T-P’ing the Parliament buildings. And, we heard that the truckers are going to stop delivering toilet paper to retail stores until the government listens!” Said a masked member of the rally. “So, we put it out on Facebook to march against Parliament for infringing on the freedoms of our bathrooms.”
Tensions are high and nobody knows what is to come. Will the mandate stick? Will the April Fools win?
Stay tuned and we’ll keep you up to date on the progression of this story.
“I hope the April Fools come out on top,” says this drain service technician. “This is important for my business. So, it’s important for the economy!”
What Can We Do?
All that we can do is take it one day at a time, and realize that today, on April 1, 2022, we are fortunate. We are fortunate because it is April 1, 2022. The weather is warming, the world is spinning, and the fools are only here for the day.
What fools are we referring to? April fools! Happy April Fools day, everyone! This was just some toilet humour, don’t stress! You can still flush toilet paper down the toilet! There is no government legislation illegalizing the flushing of toilet paper – this was all a joke!
However, we do strongly advise being mindful about what you flush down the toilet, as only human biological waste and toilet paper should ever go down that drain! Avoid flushing flushable wipes, tampons, Q-tips, wrappers, food, and anything other than what came out of you and the toilet paper that you used.
However, if you’re ever in need of a plumber or drain cleaner, we hope that you’ll call John The Plumber. John The Plumber has been your local plumbing expert since 2006 and he’s always happy to help! We can usually offer same-day plumbing service, emergency plumbing, and weekend plumbing, so we’re available when you need us!
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